I made it to San Francisco, body humming with pulsations of fear and anticipation. It is ironic how amidst some of the most anxious months I can remember that I am so charged to plunge into mystery. This year has been intense. I feel it culminate under the full moon, and right now the fog is too thick to really think straight. I am tired and worn down by my own mind, I never imagined crossing the ocean would be this difficult, especially as I have done it before. And yet it must be a self image or self knowing driving me from within. I have been so adamant that I want to do this by myself. Like, really by myself. With little planned or organised. For the most part I am clueless as to how this will unfold, I am questioning why I brought myself here and truly I feel in the midst of darkness in my life right now. And yet there is this faith that endures. Humans are so enduring. I have thought this many times this year as I have wondered how I can possibly carry on… it has been the knowledge that you just do carry on that has surprised me with it’s quiet truth.
I have realised that living in a certain amount of safety closes in on me creativity. There is a restless naivety that provides me with so much, and truly I would rather be naive than weathered and cautious. There is a fire that urges me to keep it burning and not be so easily trapped by the human world and it’s parameters. Fear and impossibility is so all absorbing. Practicality is important, but listened to sincerely enough and it becomes a parasite to ones sense of magic. At least, it has for me. And not this time will I deny myself my dreams. Not in this life.
San Francisco is cinematic. It’s rhythmic. I’m not really ‘here’ enough to enjoy it just yet, but I am captured by this city. Silently wading through the people and stories of these salty hazy ganja streets.I am the observer, too comfortable within the parameters of myself, maybe. Though I am processing a great deal, allowing my body and mind to awaken in its own time to this journey, which is the beginning of a much larger journey beyond these travels