I often wonder, if life is a series of choices, determined by subtle and momentary decisions we make at junctures and crossroads along the way.
Or if a deeper intention prevails,
I wonder if they are one and the same, and if the question really matters at all. But I have come to think, with hazy reflection many times over .. how did I come to this? What led to this point in my journey? In my minds eye I see many pathways and possibilities spread, like tiny arteries or tree roots, divergent and yet connected, offshoots of a source. Maybe it is because of my rawness of heart that I look at my unravelling and wonder if it ever could have been avoided, ignored or altered in course. Because in feeling so wholly, sharply and deeply it is almost impossible to ignore the ache of what is not aligned. I try not to give merit to the idea of wrong ways and right ways, but I cannot deny warning signs, the barefaced "not here's!" that I have stumbled across along the way. It is the language of omens I suppose.
I wonder if I am too cautious. But maybe I am just learning how to follow a new kind of map. I know that the soul reunions, revelations and karmic ventures are not random or of the earthly realm, that they are very much intended. Planned, if you like. But had I swam up that way, rather than this, would I have known something far different? Maybe I would have reached the same point but by different means. After all, the many tributaries of the river still lead to the sea.
Seven wolves chased me down a moonlit path
Seven sets of paws pounded the earth
I could feel hot breath
the Wolves had come for me.
And when I turned and faced these beasts
I saw all seven drop at my feet
I too sank to the earth
breathed into wolf belly,
as they rumbled with the murmurings of wisdom.
Resting on the shoulders of these guardian creatures
the dark night cradled me into new knowings
what is not supposed to be trusted
and safe I was at last.